


The ache of longing

by spacexualien



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Comfort, Feelings, Fluff, Hurt, Love, Love Confessions, Lovesick, M/M, Stomach Ache, Tears, belly rub, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacexualien/pseuds/spacexualien
Summary: Ritsu is in love with Takano but doesn't confess his love out of fear for rejection. Thus, he becomes lovesick as a result and has to deal with a stomachache.
Relationships: Onodera Ritsu/Takano Masamune, Takano Masamune/Yokozawa Takafumi
Kudos: 19





	The ache of longing

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a self-indulgent cringe party! XD  
> I hope you'll have as much fun reading this story as I had writing it.  
> Well, it wasn't really fun. It was rather emotional, but still...

It had been a long day at work and Ritsu yearned for his bed, as he was extremely exhausted. However, he still had to finish writing his last proposal. He stood up and stretched, trying to shake his tiredness off and muster up some motivation. His movements didn't go unnoticed by Takano. 

The dark-haired man, still tapping away at his laptop like the workaholic he was, raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay, Onodera-san?" 

These words made Ritsu's cheeks redden, feeling butterflies dancing in his stomach excitedly. This sensation was something that he wanted to avoid at all cost. He couldn't be in love with Takano, he just couldn't. Why should he be? Just because Takano somehow seemed to care about him? Just because he sometimes was the only human being in the world who could offer him the comfort he needed most? No, Ritsu wasn’t in love. He just liked to be taken care of and there was nothing wrong with that. 

Thus, he snapped at Takano. "Yeah, just a bit tired. But that is none of your business anyway." 

The editor-in-chief rolled his eyes, annoyed, but couldn’t help a small smirk. "If you say so. Just make sure you finish your proposal. It’s due today and you’ve got exactly -”, he paused, looking at his wristwatch, “Ten minutes left.” 

Having an inner panic attack, Ritsu sat back down and continued writing, pressing keys hastily. He would finish his work. He always finished his work and that wouldn’t change just because he was tired and wanted to sleep. Sleep comes after work. In this specific case, he was just like Takano, always putting work first. However, most of the time Ritsu’s stress would also affect his body in a rather painful way. He already felt his stomach tying itself in knots, but he decided to ignore this annoying sensation. He was almost finished anyway. Furrowing his brow, he quickly thought up his conclusion and wrote it down. That was it. 

“I am finished, Takano-san!”, Ritsu exclaimed, stretching in his seat and yawning. “I will go home now. Good night!” 

He stood up, packed his things and was about to leave, when he was called back by his superior. 

“Why don’t we go home together, Onodera-san? By the way, good job!”, Takano said, raising the corner of his mouth, showing half of a smile. 

That, of course, stressed Ritsu out even more. Part of him wanted to go with Takano, the other part of him, the more sensible one, knew that he should rather not. However, he also knew that he couldn’t simply decline his chef’s offer. Takano was quite famous for having a hard time accepting a no. That was one of his traits that Ritsu found rather difficult to admire. But Ritsu couldn’t be mad at him because he didn’t really want to say no. He was in love with Takano after all, but he couldn’t display his feelings like that. Sharing his feelings was a thing that Ritsu had dreaded his entire life after the incident in the library. Having learned from his mistake, he had promised himself to never confess his love again. In the end, he would just end up being laughed at anyway. He could easily live without that disappointment. Still, he would have to go home with Takano and therefore, he needed a survival strategy. A good one because it was too easy to fall for Takano. It was too easy to drown in his voice, to see only his eyes and to wish his own lips upon his lips. No, he shouldn’t even think about it. Distraction – let’s think about flowers. 

“Onodera-san?”, Takano asked concerned. “What’s wrong? You’ve been in your thoughts quite a lot today. Is something bothering you?” 

Well, not the kind of distraction he hoped for but still. He’d have to engage with his outside world again. 

Ritsu raised his head again, slowly. “Uhm, I am fine. Can we go now?” 

He lowered his head again, but not for long. He felt a thumb lifting his chin up. Takano’s thumb. On his skin. Ritsu suddenly felt hot. He touched his cheek. It was warm. Surely, his face had turned red again. 

Takano smiled at him. “Yes, we can go home now. But next time, I want to look into your eyes a little longer.” 

With that, Takano grabbed Ritsu’s hand and together they left the office and walked to the subway. It wasn’t a long walk but long enough for Ritsu to breathe deeply. 

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale._

“Ritsu, do you like me?”, Takano asked, painful uncertainty in his voice, glancing sideways at him. 

Ritsu swallowed. The air. He held for so long. 

He didn’t want to answer, but he did. He lied. “No, you are my boss and I am just doing my work. Nothing else.” 

Takano didn’t respond. They were already at the subway station and waiting for their ride home. They both kept staring at the ground. And there was silence. Frosty. 

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale._

The metro arrived and they entered. They took their seats next to each other but with more space between them than they were used to. Ritsu swallowed. The air. He felt that he had somehow hurt Takano. Obviously, he didn’t want that but he also had to protect his own heart. What would happen if he gave in to his desires? What would happen if he talked about his feelings? He would end up disappointed. His heart would end up being broken again. It had always been like this before. He couldn’t risk losing himself again. Thus, he bore the silence. Frosty. The metro came to a halt and both he and Takano stepped out. The night was chilly and dark. There were no stars, just the old moon with his lonely, sad face. And some scattered street lamps. They walked home in silence and they each went inside their apartments in silence. Just the sound of doors being unlocked, opened and closed again. 

As soon as he was in his flat, Ritsu slid down the door and pulled his legs up. There, he sat for a while. He was tired and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. At the same time, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. Not after what had happened with Takano. To be exact, not after what he had done to Takano. Ritsu felt guilty. Why hadn’t he just told him the truth? That he liked him very much, indeed. But he couldn’t do that. He had once before confessed his love to Takano and it didn’t go well. He couldn't risk it again. As much as it hurt him, he had to deny his feelings in order to guard his heart. His job was more important and he had to function well. He had one goal, one mind and one heart. 

With that thought he stood up, went to his bedroom, stripped off his clothes and lay down in his bed. It wasn’t a big bed but it was just enough for him. He would never share his bed anyway. Ritsu snorted, crossed his arms, wiggled his feet and tried with all might to fall asleep. Wiggling his feet normally did it for him but not this night. His head was too full of thoughts and his anxiety weighed uncomfortably on his stomach. Ritsu groaned. This was bad. So bad. Now his prospects of a good night’s sleep were completely gone. Ritsu turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed his phone to distract himself. The second he took it, his phone buzzed with a message. A message from Takano. 

_Takano: I can’t sleep._

Ritsu rolled his eyes but replied. 

_Onodera: Why not?_

_Takano: My stomach hurts._

Ritsu, instantly worried, pressed the keys hastily. 

_Onodera: Why does it hurt?_

_Takano: I don’t know._

Without thinking too much, Ritsu typed his last message. 

_Onodera: Come here!_

He put his phone back on the night stand. Not long and he heard a knock on his door. Ignoring his own stomach ache, he stood up and opened. Takano really looked bad. His face was all white as a sheet and his arms were slung around his stomach. 

“Hi, Ritsu”, Takano mumbled, looking down. 

“Takano, come in”, he welcomed his friend gently. “You really don’t feel well, do you?” 

“I feel as shitty as one can feel.” 

Ritsu grimaced in sympathy, feeling his own stomach gurgling. “Let’s get you seated. Living room?” 

Takano nodded and went along with whatever decision Ritsu made. Ritsu took his hand and led him to the couch. 

“Try to get comfortable. I’ll make you a cup of chamomile tea”, Ritsu said and turned his back on him, ready to leave for the kitchen. Chamomile tea always helped him, so it would probably do wonders for Takano’s digestive system. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get anything down”, Takano groaned. 

Ritsu spun around and took a closer look at his friend. Takano was sprawled out on the sofa, clutching his stomach. His face showed not only pain but also deep sadness. 

“Takano, where exactly does it hurt?”, Ritsu asked concerned. He had the suspicion that maybe also his heart hurt. But could it be? A strong man like Takano wouldn’t break down with a stomach ache just because Ritsu had told him he didn’t like him that way. Right? 

Takano made a vague gesture towards his entire abdominal region. 

“Can’t you be more precise?”, Ritsu asked. 

“No”, was Takano’s blunt answer. 

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale._

“Let me have a look myself then”, Ritsu said. In other circumstances, he would feel embarrassed to ask Takano to lift his shirt, but this was happening in a totally non-sexual context. His friend obviously was in pain and could use his help. 

“Okay”, Takano replied, a bit sheepishly, not quite like him. He lifted his shirt and exposed his naked abdomen. 

Ritsu swallowed deeply and stared. Takano’s stomach was toned and mesmerizing to look at, but he quickly caught himself and returned to his task ahead. 

“May I examine your belly? See what’s causing you distress in there”, Ritsu asked, brushing the thought aside that he would like to have Takano’s hands on his own abdomen right now. Ritsu’s stomach hurt, it felt bloated and tender to the touch. With all his self-taught breathing exercises he had carried out this evening, a lot of air had accumulated in his belly and was now sitting there uncomfortably. 

Takano nodded and locked eyes with Ritsu. Attentively, Ritsu observed Takano’s stomach for any outside evidence of hurt, like bruises or surgical stitches. After finding none, he rubbed his hands together to warm them and slowly placed them on his abdomen. He let his palms rest there for the first few minutes, so that Takano could get used to his touch. Ritsu constantly held eye contact with Takano and moved his hands slowly in a clockwise motion, starting with his right upper abdomen. First, he rubbed gentle circles, then he applied some pressure. He carefully palpated Takano’s stomach while observing his face for any sign of hurt or slight inconvenience. While he could neither see nor feel any pain, he saw and felt so much sadness. 

“Takano, what’s really bothering you? It can’t be just your belly”, Ritsu prompted, softly. 

“My stomach hurts”, Takano huffed and wanted to cross his arms but Ritsu’s hand were still resting on his belly. 

Ritsu sighed and placed his hand upon Takano’s heart. 

“What about your heart? Does it hurt?”, he asked his friend, as all his guilt washed over him. 

“You’re quick, Onodera-san”, Takano replied in a bitter tone. 

However, Ritsu knew that he used that bitterness to protect himself. Takano didn’t like to talk about his feelings. Thus, it slowly dawned on Ritsu how much he had actually hurt him on their walk home. Takano had asked him whether he liked him and that simple question had probably taken up all his courage for the day. It was Takano’s way of opening up a bit. He had actually wanted Ritsu to start the conversation about feelings, so that it would be easier for him to talk about his own. As Ritsu realized all that, he couldn’t help feeling depressed. 

“I’m sorry, Takano”, Ritsu whispered. 

“What for?”, Takano replied. Now his voice sounded a lot weaker and almost defeated. 

“For not giving you the chance to truly open up. I guess I wanted this conversation to be over soon, and I lied to you.” Ritsu mumbled the last part of the sentence but Takano seemed to have understood well. 

“Lie about what exactly, Ritsu?” 

“I do like you, indeed”, Ritsu admitted, blushing. 

Takano smiled at that, softly, something inside of him finally opening up. “I’ve already hoped so, but time has taught me not to trust hope. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” 

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale._

Ritsu swallowed hard. He didn’t want to cry now. “I was afraid you’d hurt me again, like you did back then. I was afraid of losing myself in the process of loving you.” But he was crying. 

“Ritsu, I’m so sorry I’ve given you occasion to believe that. Don’t cry, love”, Takano said, frowning, and wiped Ritsu’s tears that were running down his cheeks. “I will now be very open about my feelings when I assure you that I do love you very much. Can you believe that, Ritsu?” 

Ritsu nodded. 

“And I will never let anyone or anything hurt you, okay? So, tell me, Ritsu, does something hurt right now?”, Takano asked, gently. 

Ritsu pondered hard whether he should tell Takano about his stomachache. In the end, he decided to trust him. Thus, he nodded slowly, lowering his gaze to the ground between his feet and the couch Takano was lying upon. 

“Where does it hurt, Ritsu?”, Takano asked, worried. 

In response, Ritsu took his hand and put it on his abdomen, just above his navel. 

“We’ve both been love-sick, it seems”, Takano sighed deeply, his voice full of sadness and sympathy, and moved his hand in soothing circles. 

“Yes, and all the stress never did anything good to my stomach”, Ritsu added. 

“What stress do you mean?”, Takano asked, uncertain. “If you mean love, then we have to do everything in order to remove that stress from our relationship.” 

Ritsu paused to think. “Yes, I meant love. I mean it was the biggest stress factor today but now that our relationship is kind of settled, I don’t think that will be much of a problem. It’s more the stress in the office that’s doing me no good long term.” 

Takano nodded at that. “I’ll try to think of a better concept regarding time management. It’s important to establish balance between work and recreation. You can’t work the entire time and maybe I should also try to become less of a workaholic.” He smiled at Ritsu. “We’ll manage together and we won’t let each other down.” 

Ritsu yawned and nodded his head. He could barely stand on his feet now, as his legs felt like they were about to give up any minute. “I’m grateful for your efforts. Maybe we should sleep now and do all the thinking tomorrow.” 

“You’re tired, aren’t you?”, Takano chuckled and freed up some space on the couch. “Come on, lay down next to me.” 

This time, Ritsu didn’t consider pros or cons but let his heart decide, and his heart wanted to cuddle with Takano or at least fall asleep next to him. Tiredness fully overtook his body and he gave up all control, sinking gently into Takano’s inviting embrace. 

In each others’ arms, they soon found rest and peace. Ritsu was comfortably spooned by Takano, receiving a surprisingly professional abdominal massage. 

“Try to sleep, I’ll take care of your leftover stress”, Takano said, rubbing gentle circles into the skin of Ritsu’s strained belly. 

“Thank you. Longing for love really makes one's stomach hurt”, Ritsu muttered and fell asleep, instantly. 

Takano sighed at that but promised himself to continue his journey to become a better lover. The first step would be to showcase loyalty and perseverance. Thus, he didn’t think of sleep, but set his mind on massaging Ritsu’s belly for the entire night. Eventually, his own tiredness got the best of him and his will subsided in the comforting embrace of a better tomorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments if you like and tell me how and what to improve. :)


End file.
